Ironman has this triathlon community engagement campaign that has many people sharing their "Why" for maintaining the decipline it takes to commit to training for recreational racing. I didn't really think I had one, or at least not a deeply personal one that anyone else might find motivating if shared.
I'd signed up for IM Saint George (planned race date in May 2020) ahead of racing SOS (meaning even though I was having trouble running) out of shear enthusiasm for getting to take a shot at its beautiful and hilly bike course. But after SOS my motivation for training was pretty low, and once race postponnements were announce due to Covid, I took the opportunity to punt to Couer D'Alene 2021.
With no need to train and everyone in lockdown due to the pandemic, I poured my efforts and anxieties into working on the house (some painting in nearly every room) and drinking too much. And that's how I acquired my "freshman 15", or covid 20, if you will.
I let my coaching contract expire without a word. I'm not terribly proud of that. There were more than a few communication issues between us that I didn't have the guts to raise. And I'd long-pondered whether his coaching style was the right match for my abilities (loss of ground since I had surgery) and my personality (prone to feeling like a failure when I repeatedly miss a projected time despite the work ethic, my once-present focus, and his constant enthusiasm).
And so I was in a rough spot heading into 2021. Heavy, all prior fitness blown, living as a recluse, anxious about inconsistent mandates & social expectations for wearing a mask when outside the house and around other people. I also felt silly thinking about hiring a new coach against both that backdrop and uncertainty the June race would be a go - vaccinations were not yet widely available, communities may not grant the pemits, travel restrictions, etc.
But the 20 week mark was fast approaching so after some discussion I hired a friend to coach me. Focus was on how things felt versus trying to hit any particular pace. I swam almost exclusively with a snorkel with aim of removing all panic about breathing and instead allowing room for me to focus on form. How to pull without making my shoulder, neck, & elbow hurt. How I could improve engagement of lats, glutes & core. I ran with walk intervals that started as the longer segment (R 1 min, W 2 min). I worked to flip this and then shortened the walk a bit (to R 2 min, W 45 sec). Walking is slow but provides a nice stretch for my hip flexors, which are insanely tight. Working from home at my non-standing desk & evenings on the couch watching tv have not done me any favors in this department.
And there it is. Add several missed trainings for whatever reasons, a touch of lonliness that none of my friends are racing this one too, a major side dish of self-doubt, and smother it all in projected race day temps in the 90-100 degree range... I'm destined to be riding the struggle bus for this one. Yet (as I write this in flight to Spokane) I'm still looking forward to racing and it took until yesterday to understand why.
Because this is how I live out loud, instead of just in my head.
Even if I don't finish this race, I'll have dared to toe the line. And this is infinitely better than hiding in my house, watching the world go by from a pixillated screen.
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